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No one sees you when you`re kind, no one sees you when you do a nice thing, but all will see on you when you fart.
"I`d hit that" -old people who drive
Turning your signal light on once you`ve already changed lanes is just about as useful as offering to help the old lady across the street AFTER she`s already been hit by a school bus full of screaming children. Just sayin`
I propose a toast to the booze for making life seem tolerable.
Don`t put off until tomorrow what you can avoid the rest of your life.
Walmart made plans to hire 100,000 U.S. Veterans. Which can only mean one thing: Walmart is going to invade Costco.
I can update Facebook from anywhere. Even when crossing the stre
Anyone notice the irony behind “hyphenated” and “non-hyphenated”?
I hate when I get to the office and there isn’t a smoking crater where the building is.
Even if women came with an instructions manual men still wouldn`t read it.
Silence is Golden, but telling some people to go f*ck themselves is PRICELESS...!
Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
Don`t text me while I`m texting you. Now I have to go back and change my text.
If your online dating profile says "I don`t have sex on the first date" then that`s why you`re on a dating website.
If you’re a douchebag, it’s so easy to find the right hat.