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I spend a lot of time holding the refrigerator door open looking for the answer.
I`m gonna open a bar and name it Rehab.....
The covers of this book are too far apart.
How about putting that screaming kid on vibrate
You think your life is bad? I’ve got that “Five dollar foot long” song stuck in my head
Reasons why I never let my girlfriend touch my iPhone. 1) I don`t have iPhone. 2) I don`t have a girlfriend.
Statistics show the number one cause of failed relationships is opening your mouth and letting words come out.
This bald spot just appeared out of thin hair.
When a pizza guy comes to my door, I like to answer wearing the same uniform as him and holding a pizza.....and then insist that he called me
I`m not lazy, I just rest before I get tired
Sometimes it’s just better to buy new Tupperware than to risk opening the leftovers.
It`s gonna be hotter than Billy Ray Cyrus after watching his daughters performance on the VMA`s tomorrow!
Which one of you is Moderation? I keep getting told we need to drink together.
cuss words = sentence enhancers
When I`m cleaning my room, 1% cleaning 29% moaning 70% playing with stuff I just found.