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Imagine how frustrating it would be if Tic-Tacs were individually wrapped
One good thing about having kids is that they are sick every time I get invited to something I don`t want to do.
As a child, you dream of adventure, travel & success. As an adult, a lot of the time, you just hope the toilet flushes.
I am sick of people thinking deodorant is optional.
Perfect relationships exist in thoughts, movies, and Facebook timelines.
I recently added squats to my daily workout routine and I did so by moving my beer to the bottom shelf in my refrigerator.
It`s called Wal-Mart because the Center for Disease Control was taken.
Today, I did it hard, I did it loud, it was wet, and I did it four times in a row. I wish I wasn’t talking about sneezing.
I Hope I can make it through another season of disagreement over the pronunciation of pecan.
My only trick for looking younger, is when an 80`s song comes on I try to look completely confused and slightly disgusted.
I love my six pack abs so much that I cover them with a layer of fat .
It would be funny if the husband is actually sleeping with the Jake from state Farm.
I know you shouldn`t text and drive but I`ve only had 2-3 texts tonight, tops, so I should be okay to drive.
I had your cake and ate it too.
I secretly like days when none of my Facebook friends have birthdays.