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How do they put the "do not walk on the grass" signs up?
I bet more people would call the Gambling Addicts Helpline if they made every 5th caller a winner.
For years I thought hitchhikers were just complimenting my driving.
I`m selling my browser history on eBay before the government does.
Of all the martial arts, Karaoke inflicts the most pain.
A slug is just a divorced snail.
Sometimes I think these Kardashians are just doing stuff for the attention.
After joining Facebook, my TV became radio.
Arguing over a girl`s bust size is like choosing between Heineken, Coors or Budweiser -- Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.
Give a man a fish & he`ll eat for a day. Give a man a jelly fish and you can pee on him.
Does the Lego movie come with a disclaimer "Some assembly required"?
Every time I`m around my mother in law, I wonder who is running hell in her absence.
I really don`t get Astrology but I just hope my daughter stays a Virgo until she`s at least 18.
Nothing says you mean business more than putting on a bib before you eat a girl out
Iām glad to know that we will never have to worry about a lack of weathermen. I mean, I know at least a couple dozen on Facebook.