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Political debates are great if you want to watch idiots talk to us like idiots to prove that the idiot next to them is a bigger idiot.
I don’t understand how a cemetery can raise its funeral prices and blame it on the cost of living.
I wonder if more children were conceived because of alcohol or more alcohol was consumed because of children.
Me: "Why do all the people I love leave me?!" UPS Guy: "Please Mam, just sign"
I always confuse the words exotic and erotic. That made for a very awkward conversation at my local pet store.
I think ugly people have children just to prove to everyone they had sex.
I’m not stupid. I’m just too lazy to show how smart I am.
I’ve already decided, if I ever go to The Price Is Right, I’m gonna “come on down” whether they call my name or not.
I may have let you down, but it`s your fault for having such high hopes.
My kids are giving all the people on this airplane a hard lesson in birth control right now.
is in his own little world but it´s okay they know me here.
Why do people always feel safe under blankets...its not like a murderer will break in and be like "I`M GONNA KILL YAA__AAHHHhhhh dang he is under a blanket.
I trust Snapple facts more than CNN and Fox News.
You`re pretty cocky for someone with such a small ... vocabulary.
Honking your horn is fun but rolling down your window and screaming “honk” at people is just way more satisfying.