Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The meek shall inherit the earth. Probably because they`re the only ones who won`t complain about what we`ve done to it.
I don`t care how the future pans out, any amazon delivery from now on is referred to as a drone strike.
Someone asked me why I use the "F" bomb so much. What the F*ck is an "F" bomb?
What a snow day inside with the kids! My one son thought it would be a good idea to fill up the garage freezer with snow to save for later and my other son had an "accident" and peed all over the floor in the bathroom. Youd think they know better at 13 and 15 years old! I probably should stop letting them drink beer in the house.
I`d rather have my arms fall off than make two trips carrying in groceries.
I`m going to go take a hot shower, it`s like a normal shower but with me in it
If listening to stupid people burned calories, I`d be a supermodel.
I`m awesome...just ask me...!!!!
Your silent treatment should be accompanied by a disappearing act.
No, I do not want to talk about how I got all these scratches. On a completely unrelated note; If you`ve ever wondered how many squirrels fit in a pillowcase,,,.. it’s 9.
I`m tired of hearing about Republicans this and Democrats that. For Christ`s sake people, don`t you realize on July 15th the Twinkie comes back?!?!?!?!
Whenever somebody is murdered, the 1st person the police investigae is the spouse. That should tell you all you need to know about marriage.
I have tonight off so if anyone’s free let’s go somewhere and look at our phones together.
Starting to think my wife might have a tumor. She`s had a headache for the past 15 years.
I just slid off the couch and lay on the floor for a while and eventually sat up without using my hands, is that a yoga class?