Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I just found out that checking your credit score actually LOWERS your credit rating. Seriously? That`s like every time you look in the mirror, you get a little bit uglier.
I told my psychiatrist that I`ve been hearing voices. He told me that I don`t have a psychiatrist.
What would I do if I won the lottery? Make Charlie Sheen look like an amateur.
Offering a homeless dude $5 from across the street is my version of Frogger.
Key to a great marriage ... Lack of imagination.
If someone posts a picture of their kid on Facebook making a stupid face, I like to comment with, "Oh, NOW I see the resemblance!"
Always bring a stopwatch to church, guys. You want the girl that spends the longest amount of time in confession.
Not to brag, but Netflix recommends certain movies just for me.
TIP: If cars are passing you on the highway in the LEFT lane, GET THE HELL OUT OF THE RIGHT LANE!
The key to a long relationship: Keep the fights clean and the sex dirty.
Sometimes, the light at the end of the tunnel is just a lost guy with a flashlight.
I own a shop selling `CLOSED` signs. We haven`t had a single customer today.
Save some time and just put your Taco Bell directly in the toilet.
Don`t refer to them as voices in your head. Do as the professionals and call them your `team of writers`
Trying to master the art of eating a powdered donut without looking like I just left Charlie Sheen`s house.