Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You gotta hand it to blind prostitutes.
Hurricane preparedness tip: 1. Buy several kegs of beer 2. Drink beer 3. Wait for flooding 4. Drop kegs in water 5. Float to safety....
Girls don`t dress for boys, they dress for themselves... If girls dressed for boys, they`d just walk around naked all the time.
Still haven`t answered my life`s calling... I`ve always just assumed it dialed the wrong number.
It is literally impossible to prove that Harry Potter wasn`t just in his parents basement on acid the whole time
Best of luck explaining why you’re still single at Thanksgiving and Charles Manson isn’t.
I wish they made barstools with seat belts and dual side airbags.
I’m drinking because you’re talking.
Quick question, ladies: If you shave your eyebrows off and then draw them back on, what the heck are you doing?
Some people are like rain clouds. Once they f*ck off, it`s a beautiful day.
I want to know what horrific ideas were rejected before they decided "Vagisil" was the best possible brand name?
I know how to wink my eye in like twelve different languages.
Just think how cold and snowy it would be WITHOUT global warming!
Setting an alarm is how we ruin days that haven`t even started yet.
Two things everybody wants: 1) Lose weight. 2) Eat.