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Lots of people waiting in lines today. Did a new iPhone just come out?
Some days, the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my demands!
My train of thought is loco, no motive.
Aren`t you too fat to be this rude?
RUN? I thought you said Rum. I quit.
Actually I don`t think it would be all that hard to get out of a pickle.
May be time to get in shape. Halfway up this flight of stairs and I`m considering setting up base camp and trying again in the morning.
Save your breath ... You`ll need it later to blow up your date.
Come on snooze button, is 9 minutes all you have to offer...I need something in the 2-3 hour range.
I wish I could just cut out the middleman and have the light honk when it turns green.
A fun thing to yell at a magic show is "BURN HIM, HE`S A WITCH"
I bought powdered water but I don`t know what to add to it.
Hibernation should be a human thing too.
I decided to make a bucket list for when I kick the bucket. Number 1: Wear shoes! Ever tried kicking a metal bucket without shoes?
The cop said it was an outstanding warrant, dad! And you said I`d never amount to anything...