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Can`t dance? Spell your name....in the air...with your butt. BOOM! Next problem...
*Me washing my car* Person: Hey what’s up? Washing your car? Me: No, I’m watering it to see if it’ll grow into a bus.
Don`t judge if you don`t know me. Unless you`re making my pizza & you say "This guy looks like he wants extra cheese" then please do..
have you ever been like "what`s the day today? ... no i mean the like the number".
Woke up this morning, looked in the mirror & said out loud, "You gotta bring it today!" ... So I packed a lunch and went to work.
I hate when I´m laughing & my a$$ falls off.
Never do anything that you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics.
I bet Snowmen think it`s weird that the ground is completely covered in their skin.
Do you remember that creepy guy who stood behind you on a train 6 years ago and was smelling your hair? Hi!
Some things make you go hmm. Some things make you go ugh! I make you go "Did he really just say that?"
I bet if you walked up to any table at a restaurant and said "Good afternoon folks" they will let you take their order.
Well h€ll, I was going to post a status about my p€cker, but it was too long.
There is no one more trustworthy than Clark Kent`s dry cleaner.
Welcome to my bedroom,this is where the magic happens.....and by that I mean this is where I read my Harry Potter books.
All I want is less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done.