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Strange new trend at the office. People putting names on food in the company fridge. Today I had a tuna sandwich named Kevin.
They updated the Raggedy Ann doll to Swaggedy Ann. She comes with an iPhone, divorced parents, and 3 pairs of heelys.
I had the urge to clean my place today so I laid down until the urge went away.
I don`t "get lost". I find creative ways to get places I didnt know I wanted to go.
If you don`t think of 50 different ways to murder your boss every morning on your drive to work you`re probably the boss
Alcohol and calculus don’t mix… Don’t drink and derive!
I have lost my mind and I am making no effort to look for it.
Pretty sure I look forward to my boss` vacation`s more than he does.
Target had a credit card breach? But only with in-store purchases, not online? More proof you`re better off staying home with no pants on.
Remember all those times I said "wow, that`s cool!"? What I really meant was, "shut the f*ck up, I hate you."
Worried that you may have a stalker? Shut up and just be happy someone likes you.
According to my iPhone Health app, I walked 1,787 steps around this Golden Corral buffet tonight .... So I got that going for me.
Give me a fish & I`ll cook you dinner. Teach me to fish & I`ll just be sitting there in the boat with you getting drunk.
It’s called a “remote” because those are your odds of finding it when you want to change the channel.
I think Labor Day is to remind people that after a full day with the family, going to work actually isn`t so bad after all.