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"I like tube tops too, but even tires have pressure limits!
Million dollar idea: Pills that you can take with alcohol.
I am dealing with it like an adult! Tonight I`m getting drunk!!!
That awkward moment for a guy when he`s at a urinal stall and another guy takes the stall right next to him when there`s plenty of other perfectly good stalls farther away..
I found a spider in my shoe. He looks ridiculous, they`re way too big for him.
Old video games couldn`t be won. They just got harder and harder until you died. Just like real life.
How awesome would it be if boobs made maraca sounds when you shook them? LOL
Sneezing is like using sonar to find polite people.
I can tell by your boobs that you`ve never seen a bar tab.
The push-up bra: the strangely acceptable female equivalent of a rolled up sock stuffed in men`s underwear.
If it`s tourist season why can`t we shoot them?
Hell hath no fury like a hungry me.
For many people, "live and learn" is one task too many.
Since joining Facebook, about 8 aggressive lampposts have walked up to me in the street and punched me in the face.
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?