Daily Silly Status

If it`s true that we are here on earth to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

I want the job where you push scared skydivers out of the plane...

Car horns were invented 1% for safety and 99% because people get pissed off sometimes and need to let a mofo know.

If one of Santa`s helpers takes a picture of himself with his smartphone, is that an "elfie"?

“Check that sh!t out” luckily rarely refers to actual sh!t.

I`ve been taking viagara for my sunburn........ It doesn`t cure it...... but it does keep the sheets off my legs at night.

Sometimes I feel like a loser for spending so much time on Facebook. Then I remember there are people out there who comment on pornhub videos

ME- I love it when you lay me down like that, the way you touch my belly and put cold things on me baby DOCTOR- Miss this is a medical examination and you are making me extremely uncomfortable

hmmmm...halo or horns today??

Mirrors don`t lie. Lucky for you, they can`t laugh either.

I knew we were gonna be friends when you ran into that wall.

Pregnancy test confirmed me my worst fear.......I`m just fat

Just ruined $387 worth of blinds in the house, but that fly is dead.

I say the things better left unsaid.

People who argue on their cell phones in public should have to do it on speakerphone so the rest of us can get both sides.