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"I like tube tops too, but even tires have pressure limits!
Chess says everything about men & women. The King has to take things one step at a time, while the Queen can do whatever the hell she wants.
I`m not sure why they gave all these other people cars.
Another beautiful morning I wish I was sleeping through.
The invention of the shovel must have been ground-breaking.
Every parent’s superpower is the ability to communicate “I love you!” and “I will kill you!” with a single look.
Its real cute how pedestrians confuse “right of way” with immortality.
keep scrolling… it gets better lol
Apparently putting Alka-Seltzer in my mouth while getting baptized and pretending I’m being possessed by the devil is not funny.
I miss newspapers. It`s weird hitting a dog on the nose with an iPad.
WTF, I feel like I pay these bills every month.
I always tell the person at the drive-thru that they are so much prettier than I pictured them when I was ordering.
Leftover bacon? Lol that’s up there with unicorns, leprechauns, and soulmates.
I just ate 3 whole chickens ... they were hard boiled.
"You only live once" is also an equally compelling reason not to do something extreme or stupid.