Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
That urge you get to write, "No one cares" on someone`s status.
The larger the implants, the more likely she’ll be confused by a push/pull door.
“A body at rest tends to stay at rest” should be an acceptable excuse for missing work.
Dropping a can of soda and sticking it back in the fridge all shaken up for the next person to open is not nearly as funny when you live by yourself.
Everytime I find the key to happiness, somebody changes the lock.
I would’ve slept my way to the top years ago if it actually involved sleeping.
Why is it called tourist season if we can`t shoot them?
May all of us be as good looking/ beautiful as we look on our FB profile pic..
The Braille on the drive-thru ATM actually says, "Move to the passenger seat"
The only way I`ll ever run a marathon is if I set up the booths and hand out tags.
I am Looking for a Bank which can offer me these Two Services..... .Give me a Loan & then Leave me aLone. :)
I remember the days when I could refer to my knees as right and left. Now I refer to them as the good and bad knee.
Expect nothing and you`ll be impressed every day.
Based on how I startle when toast pops up, I will never look cool walking away from an explosion.
And I was like “No, Coke is NOT ok. I wanted a Pepsi.” And she was all “Sir, 911 should only be dialed for real emergencies.”