Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
New Rule: If I hold the door open for you and you walk by without thanking me I am guaranteed at least one attempt at trying to trip you.
I once tried sniffing coke, but the ice cubes kept getting stuck up my nose.
My Memory.....The Second shortest thing I have.
I won`t be impressed with technology until I can download food.
Sorry I said "You`ll Do" instead of "I Do" at our wedding.
I hear boomerangs are making a comeback.
Sometimes I really want to throw paper at people. Brick shaped Paper. Made of brick.
Trying to understand women is like trying to smell the color 8.
No matter how old you are, If a little kid shoots you with a toy gun, you pretend to die.
Love makes the world go round, but alcohol makes it go round twice as fast!
I hate when people say, "I gotta get my body right for the summer." ...like, wtf are you going to do about your face???
Why do we even ask rhetorical questions?
Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.
If Facebook isn’t a drug then someone please explain to me why I sneak into the bathroom at work to use it.
When I`m bored, I like to superglue Doritos to my cat and make it run around the house like a stegosaurus.