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Iām not the type of person you want to put on speaker during a phone conversation.
Just came to the realization that with their ridiculous fees, I`m tipping my ATM more than my bartender.
The Internet: An electronic version of, "Now, why did I walk into this room?"
Just burned 2000 calories. That`s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I take a nap.
If someone starts a sentence with "words can`t express," brace yourself, because they`re about to give it a hell of a try anyway.
Minnesota is my favorite state that sounds like it`s a small soft drink.
Give a man a fish and chances are you won`t be asked to be in charge of buying a gift "from all of us" anymore.
Facebook.. reminds me a lot of high school. Full of alcohol, drugs, jealousy, sexual frustration and a bunch of boobs I`ll never get to touch.
Iām taking care of my procrastination issues; just you wait and see.
Neighbors just kicked me out of their shower and called the cops. Some of these pokemon go instructions are confusing. A lot of grey area...
Haters gunna hate,potatoes gunna patate!!
I love Christmas presents wrapped in bubble wrap... it`s like two gifts in one!!
You`re telling me, a chicken fried this rice
Does anyone else wonder why naked and baked, 2 words that go together SO well, don`t rhyme?? ...I mean, who comes up with these words anyway? lol
Iām not saying I need to manscape, but when I get an erection it looks like Pinocchio has joined the Taliban.