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Sorry I`m late, I was waiving my hands at a paper towel dispenser that turned out to not be automatic.
Facebook prank #23 Go in everynight and change your birthday to the next day...then see how long it takes for people to catch on....
Sometimes I get up really early, drink some coffee and read some awesome motivational quotes. Then I go back to bed.
Good to know that if they ever release a lion in Walmart you only have to run faster than the fat lady with the zebra print pants on.
This is bullshit. It`s like the cops don`t even know that the speed limit is different when you`re listening to AC/DC.
My favorite thing about winter...waking up from hibernation!
“I demand a recount.” – Me, in a nugget dispute at McDonald’s.
Bacon...need I say more
It`s always nice to be called Pretty in the morning. So what if he was hiding behind the trash wearing no pants.
If I’ve offended you with my posts, I humbly apologize. I honestly didn’t think you could read.
We all have that one friend who needs to learn how to whisper
If anyone lost a roll of hundred dollar bills,with a rubber band around it...I found the rubber band....
*Goes to the gym. Takes a selfie in front of the weights. Leaves.
I danced like no one was watching but someone was watching, thought I was having a seizure and called an ambulance
Backseat drivers are the worst. They`re always like "the light is red!" and "don`t text and drive!" and "oh god, I think that was a person!"