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When I die, I don`t want to go sober...
My password is SupermanHulkThorGoku, that`s the strongest password I can think of.
Coffee : Starter fluid for the morning impaired.
I wish there was an observation deck at WalMart.
It’s a little sad that today’s youth don’t get to experience a red rubber dodgeball to the face like we did back in the day.
Why is it called a "personal trainer", instead of an "exercist"?
I like to think I`m special, because the thought of idiots like me existing in large numbers is f*cking terrifying.
According to national reports, car thefts in the US are now at a 20 year low…Well, sure, it’s hard to steal a car when the owner’s living in it…
Roses are red, violets are blue, sandwiches are tasty, rhyming is hard
this isn`t the status you`re looking for
Guys, if you buy ANY woman clothing, & you don’t get her a size S with a gift receipt, you’re an a$$hole.
You`ll all be sorry when I figure out how to breathe fire.
My relationship is like an iPhone, I don`t have an iPhone.
I feel like we really lowered our expectations of what constitutes magic when we began using it to describe markers
You find it offensive? ... I find it funny ... That`s why I`m happier than you.