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Your call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo.
I`m kind of clueless about pop culture. I thought "Hogwarts" was an STD
One thing`s for sure when I shower with my boyfriend. My titties are spotless!!
I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
I’ve thought long and hard, and have decided on my New Year’s resolution ... 1024×768.
We live in a society that`s the most knowledgeable about a zombie apocalypse, but the most likely to be eaten while staring at our phones.
Turtle: I`m the slowest. Snail: No, me. Internet Explorer: Bitch, please
Be honest, you haven’t even walked a mile in your own shoes.
Two of the most honest people in the world; drunk people and little kids
Since you no longer have a calendar I`d like to notify all the Mayans that it has been one year since the end of the world.
Every night before bed I do this cute little thing where I stare at the Internet for 6.5 hours
If women ran the world we wouldn’t have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
Kids today will never appreciate how difficult it used to be finding pictures of naked people.
Nobody talk to me until I`ve Instagrammed my coffee.
My friend thinks he`s so smart. He said onions are the only food that can make you cry. So I threw a coconut at his face.