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We live in an era of smart phones and stupid people.
Stairs are like rock climbing after a bottle of vodka.
Just pour the coffee and back away slowly.
Laugh now because when I die, I`m coming back to haunt you.
If you don`t give a f*ck then why you telling everybody?
Bend over and take it like a taxpayer.
"Teeter Totter" is the silliest name for toddler catapults.
Sad Fact- Boobie traps seldom involve boobies.
I think you know you’ve got a problem when every letter of the alphabet triggers a porn bonanza in your address bar.
The secret to happiness is a good sense of humor and a bad memory.
I`m a big advocate of the `You started it` method of defense in an argument.
Organized people are just to lazy to look for things.
The secret to dancing is pretending you have a wedgie and you’re trying to get it unstuck without using you’re hands.
Ever notice that no one ever has three cats? They either have one or two cats, then it jumps to 17.
You’d think the chances of putting in a USB drive wrongside-up would be 50-50, but nope, 90-10.