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A Lion would never cheat on his wife.. but a Tiger wood.
Got a problem with me? I’m pretty sure a status on Facebook won’t fix it.
I didn`t get your text (phrase) - I got your text, I was just too lazy to respond.
A wife is like a hand grenade. Remove the ring, and your house is gone.
We`re all brave until we realize the cockroach has wings
If your phone doesn´t ring it´s me.
You look like I need another drink
If you have a mirror handy, kindly gaze into it and you will find your problem
I think we`ll be friends forever because we`re too lazy to find new friends.
I just saw a squirrel dragging a wine bottle bag up a tree ... I think I found my spirit animal.
Left the toilet seat up. Wife screaming in 5, 4, 3, 2...
I just finished writing an article on "How To Improve Your Memory"- But I forgot where I kept it!!
Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because your fingerprints aren’t in the database.
The early bird gets the worm! So does the late bird. They all get worms all the time; there`s tons of those things. Relax, there will always be a lota worms......
You know a woman really loves you when she vandalizes your car after an argument.