Daily Silly Status

I love a good nap. Sometimes it`s the only thing that gets me out of bed in the morning.

The Hobbit 2: we`ve still got a long way to walk

There is a big difference between a guy and a girl saying "I went through an entire box of tissues during that movie."

Happy Labor Day to someone who barely labored this year.

Instead of calling it the John, I call my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning.

I don`t understand why Walmart has a problem with me bringing my dog in the store. He`s better behaved, smells better, and less likely to take a crap on the floor than 95% of the people here

"Goodbye, everyone. I`ll remember you all in therapy." -Me, leaving a family reunion.

Im not fat I´m just easier to see

Im at my classiest when my neighbor catches me begging my dog to sh!t faster because it`s cold.

Over the weekend I pulled a muscle getting off the couch to fetch more Doritos.

I`m out like a fat kid playing dodge ball..

Do you guys remember 10 years ago, when all the people with gluten allergies were dying in the streets like diseased cattle?

Pee your name in the snow and you`ll quickly understand why they should teach cursive in our schools.

Just been on a diabetes awareness website and it asked me if I accept cookies. Is that a trick question?

My sex life is just like my typing skills. One handed.