Daily Silly Status

I can think of absolutely no acceptable situation where a grown man should be taking a bathroom mirror selfie.

Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.

If there`s one thing I`ve learned hiking, it`s the early bird gets the face full of spider webs

There’s a thin line between “I should do a status update about that” and “I should talk to a therapist about that”

My new years resolution was to lose 30 lbs by the end of summer... I`ve only got 40 lbs to go.

Life is a constant battle between my love of food & not wanting to get fat.

I`m not saying we should kill all the incompetent people. I`m simply suggesting we remove all the warning labels and let the problem sort itself out.

I want the job of placing pepperoni slices on frozen pizzas, because clearly whoever has it is now has problems.

I`m one step away from being rich, all I need now is money.

The key to a long relationship: Keep the fights clean and the sex dirty.

Got a new blood pressure monitor, says it turns off after 6 minutes of inactivity .....

"No! Don`t leave me! I need you! Nooooo!" I say as my laptop cords slowly slides off my bed onto the floor.

Your so old, you knew Burger King when he was a prince.

You should NEVER say and I mean NEVER say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she`s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at the moment.. :|

Hell hath no fury like a girl tagged in an unapproved pic on Facebook.