Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The sexiest fantasy in 50 Shades Of Grey is the bit where she gets a job in journalism without having to do years of unpaid work experience.
I just want to read, have a snack, then take a nap. Basically, I just want to be in kindergarten again.
My friends think I never listen to their opinions... like I give a sh*t what they think.
I wash once and dry 3-4 times, depending on how much I want to delay folding my clothes.
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn`t hire stupid people.
According to the U.S. Census Bureau: 190,374 people are having sex right now, 212,130 are kissing, and 1 poor person is reading this post. You hang in there!
My friend says to me, "What rhymes with orange?" I said, "No it doesn`t."
Everyone is gifted......But not everyone opens their present
Don`t talk to me about hard times. My dog just licked the last piece of pizza.
I ran into my ex the other day. I could have sworn the light was green.
"Spring Ahead" this weekend for Daylight Saving Time proves there is a much quicker way than Facebook to lose an hour in your life....
Have you ever realized that sleeping is just your eyes staring at your eyelids all night long?
"I need to talk to you” is the one sentence that has the power to make you remember every bad thing you’ve ever done in your life.
I party until the taxi with the pretty red and blue lights picks me up.
If you have a problem with me please write it nicely on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope, fold it and shove it up your a$$.