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Sometimes, I use big words I don`t always fully understand in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.
Finally got my Bon Jovi Sat Nav working... Wooahh we`re half way there.
There`s no point in using a big word, when an infinitesimally diminutive one will do.
Doing word problems as a kid has helped me in adulthood. "Dan doesn`t have enough money for his bills, how long before he is homeless?"
We`re all just nudists in disguise.
To get laid is good. To get off is good. To get laid off is bad.
Some idiots actually sold their homes and properties thinking the world was really going to end! What losers. I hope my boss gives me my job back on Monday
that awkward moment when your pulling the covers up and hit yourself in the damn face !!!
I`m a passionate supporter of things that don`t inconvenience me or require any type of action or physical effort.
I want rich people problems. Like where to land my private jet.
"Wow! That Lean Cuisine really filled me up!" ... said no one, ever.
I don`t want to brag or make anybody jealous, but I can still fit into the earrings I wore in high school.
This spider just got away from me because I made the classic villain mistake of telling him my whole evil plan before killing him.
These statuses are a lot better if you imagine them being read by Morgan Freeman.
My girlfriend is about to do this ice water bucket challenge. She don`t know yet though she`s still in bed