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I like the parts of the day when food happens.
I just found out people are playing golf online. And I thought my life sucked!
I decided I`m going to be poor... Its Cheaper :)
I hate it when I mentally undress a woman and my OCD kicks in and I start folding her clothes.
If there`s one thing I`ve learned hiking, it`s the early bird gets the face full of spider webs
My best relationship advice: Make sure you`re the crazy one.
Marriage: an expensive way to get your laundry done for free..
My worst ideas have all either started or ended with having no pants on.
My motto is "Never say never." Which makes it difficult to tell people my motto...
I don`t think I can call myself an adult until I can accept the fact that "dry clean only" is not a dare.
If at first you don`t succeed, you`ll get a lot of free advice from folks who didn`t succeed either.
I don`t want to brag, but I`m single-handedly responsible for 86% of the rules in the Employee Handbook at work.
Self checkout must have been invented by a guy who had to buy tampons.
Vodka can be mixed with anything, including more vodka.
I try and inspire at least one person everyday to leave me the f*ck alone.