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wonders how you can knock sense into someone when you`re beating them senseless?
Of course I’ll buy a polished rock made into a necklace. I’m on vacation, aren’t I?
Adding "just sayin" to a smart-a$$ed comment makes you even more of an a$$hole. Just sayin
That awkward moment for a guy when he`s at a urinal stall and another guy takes the stall right next to him when there`s plenty of other perfectly good stalls farther away..
I just realized that the only time I`m good at dancing is when I`m about to pee my pants
If you’re having second thoughts, you’re two ahead of most people.
"This is so wrong," I say excitedly, my heart racing, my hands trembling as I butter a donut
Why non-smokers don`t take bubble blowing breaks is beyond me
Most problems can be solved with nudity.
There are days when everything goes perfectly. . I wonder what those are like?
I know the light has changed twice people but I`m playing air drums until Moby Dick is over...sit back and enjoy the show please...
It`s funny how we all sleep differently. I sleep on my side, my roommate sleeps on his back. My ex sleeps with everybody. That sort of thing.
We’ll be friends until we’re old and senile. Then we’ll be new friends all over again.
I told my kids to follow their hopes and dreams, as long as their hopes and dreams lead them out of my house when they`re 18.
Ever wish the choice you made and the “right thing to do” were the same thing?