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I laid awake all night again worrying about why I’m always so tired.
No one is ever bored enough to start studying.
Do not drink and drive.. because there are people out there who text and drive... and they will hit you and it will be your fault !!
Cant imagine the look on Obamas face when he saw `Olympus Has Fallen`..His next quote would have been.."No more Taiwans in the secret Elevetor office"
I always look for the best looking cashier at the supermarket and always end up at the self checkout lane
I`d like to have a child one day...Two days, tops.
I`m just chilling tonight with my new plane ... Oops, I`ve said too much.
Maybe America will believe in global warming if we make it a Snapple Fact.
I don`t understand those couples that fight and a minute later change their facebook status to "single." I fight with my parents but you don`t see me change my status to "orphan."
Old is when you start thinking about the things you used to do more than the things you’re going to do.
I started studying Tai Chi, so I wouldn`t recommend getting in a slow-motion fight with me...
Whenever I get sick, I get my immune system drunk so it will fight anything.
My new voicemail: “If you have reached this recording, please hang up and text me.”
I always drink responsibility I make sure that someone is responsible for buying me drinks.
I wonder if strippers have nightmares about accidentally going to work fully clothed?