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If it weren`t for WebMD I would have never known what symptoms to mimic so I could get all these prescriptions from my doctor.
It is totAlly unnecessary to put a PM after 23:00.
Enough with the lies, people who drink decaf coffee, tell us what your game plan is.
A lot of talk from the peasants lately about my arrogance.
Some of you take selfies from so close up, I`m beginning to wonder if you`re a T-Rex.
May you live to be so old that your driving terrifies people.
I always try to behave on Friday nights but there are usually too many other options.
Like this if you’re “never drinking again.”
Must be lonely over there on "I`m offended by jokes" island.
God is creative... I mean look at me??
I might get a job cleaning mirrors,its a job I can see myself doing.
Marriage. Because your sh*tty day doesn`t have to end at work
A good way to break up with a girl gently, is to curtsy when you`re meeting her father instead of shaking his hand.
You know it`s cold outside... when you step on dog poop and roll your ankle
Dropped my son off for his first day of kindergarten today. Does anybody know what age you`re supposed to pick them up?