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To me, the worst part of the prostate exam is when the doctor says, "Guess how many fingers."
Billy Ray Cyrus made a million dollars at a playgirl photo shoot. He just started taking his clothes off and they paid him to put them back on.
Pretend it`s a beer... Pretend it`s a beer... Pretend it`s a beer... - Me trying not to drop a baby.
If everything goes as planned, tonight I shall drink myself beautiful.
When they say all expenses paid, does that include bail?
If you don’t feel just a little bit of shame after the weekend… you’re not doing it right.
Still hoping that one day I get to ride a kayak while it’s strapped to the top of someone’s car.
I don`t normally poop with the door open, but I don`t want to miss the in flight movie
I guess not everyone at this grocery store is as comfortable with my nudity as I am. ;)
I could be a morning person....if morning happened around noon.
My mom told me to follow my dreams. So I took a nap.
How easily you`re offended is directly proportional to how dumb you are.
If you Google the word `overreacting` there`s a picture of me using a fire extinguisher on a spider.
Want your favorite song to become your least favorite song? Just make it your alarm tune.
You had me at Rice Krispies Treats