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There would be fewer problems with children if they had to chop wood to keep the television set going.
When I`m home alone, every noise I hear is a serial killer
My retirement plan is just $1,000 & a plane ticket to wherever these kids are living on 15 cents a day.
May be time to get in shape. Halfway up this flight of stairs and I`m considering setting up base camp and trying again in the morning.
Soup of the day: Beer
Having a bit of a lazy day! I`m sitting in my underwear looking for better jobs online ... My boss doesn`t look amused.
Cinderella is my favorite fairy tale about how foot size is the best way to recognize someone.
Today is a great day. The mailman just delivered me an Iron Maiden cassette, which finally fulfills my Columbia House commitment.
Every time someone says "Have a nice day!", I yell "DON`T F**KING TELL ME WHAT TO DO!"
This girl is ignoring me like a check engine light.
I believe in sharing the road with other drivers. They can have the part behind me.
Have you ever realized that sleeping is just your eyes staring at your eyelids all night long?
I hope when Bruce Willis dies, it`s from a Viagra overdose. That way the headline can read "Bruce Willis Died Hard".
Today somebody called me a model! Well they said "poster boy for birth control", but I knew what they meant.
The best thing about my phone screen shattering is that it now matches my dreams and aspirations.