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Today I broke my personal record for most consecutive days lived.
Calm down mechanic guy. Just here for an oil change. If I wanted to know about all the other shit wrong with my car I`d turn the radio down.
Live in the moment. Unless the moment sucks. Then live on Facebook.
I don`t care what people think of me. It can`t be half as bad as what I think of them...
If I suddenly had the ability to teleport, I’d spend an entire day popping up naked in front of people and asking for John Connor.
Hate having friends? Just chew with your mouth open.
Life is Hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid.
I`d like to eat healthy, but we all know what happened that time Eve ate an apple. Best not to risk it.
“Don’t make me regret this.” -things I think when accepting a friend request.
I wish I had the balls to be a juggler.
Being ‘clean and sober’ means I’ve showered and I’m headed to the liquor store.
Today I caught myself smiling ... I was thinking of you ... Don´t flatter yourself though, it was because you had a booger in your nose the last time I saw you.
Thought I was having deja-vu. But it turns out, I do the exact same things every day.
Being an adult is 99% wondering how you hurt your back.
Politeness has become so rare, that some people mistake it for flirting.