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"Ho, Ho, Ho!" -Santa Claus/Pimp, doing a head count.
Picking out the right Christmas tree is a science. Sneaking into your neighbor`s yard to cut it down is an art.
HR called me in today and told me I have a bad attitude. So they`re transferring me over to IT and giving me a raise.
I can totally relate to cranky elderly people. I mean you can only be nice for so long!
A 6-month wait when filing for divorce, but only a 15-day wait when buying a gun. I think the solution for relationship problems is clear.
You guys remember back before Google when we would just sit around and wonder about sh!t ...?
Scream “Chrome is better than Firefox” around a group of geeks if you wanna see them argue for 2 hours.
Facebook has suggested that I POKE you.
Sometimes people try to expose what`s wrong with you, because they can`t handle what`s right about you.
F*ck It - My final thought before making decisions.
Some young men are like bottles of wine. They need to be tended to carefully & given time to mature; which is why I keep a few in my cellar.
Why get married when you can just drive into oncoming traffic?
Cats would be even more stuck up if they knew how much the internet loves them.
Over 400 billion people a year are victims of exaggerated statistics.
Do you guys remember 10 years ago, when all the people with gluten allergies were dying in the streets like diseased cattle?