Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My iPhone autocorrected "wish you were here" to "wish you were beer" ...I sent it anyways.
Thought I saw a kangeroo today turned out to be a greyhound taking a dump !
I think stupid people were put on this planet to test my anger management skills.
I didn`t text you. Vodka texted you.
Texting totally changes your perception of how long stoplights are.
I don’t approve of political jokes. I’ve seen too many of them get elected.
Am I the only one who would like to see Punxsutawney Phil bite off the finger of the person that wakes him up every Groundhog Day.
Leaving your window open for an hour and the cast from f*cking Bugs Life decided to start producing their second movie.
if ever you need NOTHING, im here for you.
Life is different in Christian frats: “You should’ve seen this hot chick I didn’t bang.” “Way to save it for marriage, bro.” *fist bump*
I`m not funny, I`m just really mean and people think I`m joking.
The correct answer to "How are you?" is "Fine." If you ever stray from that dialogue, please know that nobody gives a sh!t.
I would be a great procrastinator ... if I could ever get around to it.
Gotta admire people who drive with one hand holding on to a mattress tied to the roof.
I feel like I`ve passed my "Best If Used By date."