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When someone tells me how old their kid is in months, I ask them to rephrase it in days, so they know what I just went through.
The naughty me makes the nice me giggle.
You call the shots. I`ll drink them.
The only time I use the word “selfie” is when I am describing my sex life.
RAIN!!!! :) I guess my rain dances must have worked. Some people call it stumbling around... I call it rain dancing.
I didn´t outsmart you. You just outdumbed me.
I can`t wait to procrastinate.
You say tomato, I say summertime snowball.
What if I am sexy and I don`t know it?
Lets not kid ourselves, if the zombie apocalypse broke out, there are a couple people we would swear were zombies so we could shoot them
My parents weren`t exercising all of those nights.
I walked briskly with scissors today. I’m pretty wild.
I always stop to help women who have broken down on the road. I don`t know sh!t about cars, but I do know how porn starts off. -Bfanch
No cowboy in the world can out draw a grandmother pulling a baby picture out of her wallet.
Facebook is great, but I still miss the good old days of writing down my random thoughts and sliding them into stranger`s pockets.