Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
It’s called karma, and it’s pronounced “haha! Screw you!”
Some days your the bug; some days your the windshield.
I wonder if more children were conceived because of alcohol or more alcohol was consumed because of children.
Was shopping when a small child riding shotgun in a shopping cart yelling "why you ain`t got no babies?"I bet my father in law paid her
At this point in life, my greatest chance of having a threesome will be sex with a schizophrenic.
When you`re tucking your kids in at night, read them a few select Facebook statuses, kiss them on the forehead and whisper "This is why we must stay in school."
I think when a restaurant has "lobster celebration" it is very misleading to the lobster.
Don’t be upset that you’re single; be happy that someone isn’t ruining your life.
Things that keep me awake # 408...How do Amish girls know if it’s a romantic candlelit dinner or just regular dinner?
Whatever Mom, IF THAT`S EVEN YOUR REAL NAME!!!
Never trust a married guys opinion of who’s hot. It’s like asking a starving guy what food tastes good.
Unless my horoscope says, "You will dread going to work and will most likely masturbate," then it is a crock of sh*t.
This is odd?!?! The hour we lost this weekend was the one when I was planning to go to the gym.
Just called my own voicemail and left messages until the memory was full. People can`t leave messages now. That`s the kind of genius I am.
I was always a believer in evolution....then I spent an hour at Walmart and now I`m not so sure