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Detective: “The victim musta had company. There’s 2 dirty plates in the sink.” If I ever get murdered they’ll think I had 16 people over.
The downside to posting jokes all the time is that if I posted "Help, I am in an Iranian prison" everyone would be like "haha good one"
Happy new years, my friends. Thanks for supporting the site, Ralf.
Wife is out of town until tomorrow night. Anyone wanna come sit on the other end of the sofa and ignore me?
If you speak too slowly, I will complete all your sentences in my mind in ways that makes your story much more interesting
Ahhhh, bad credit…the best identity theft protection.
By the time someone says something in the meeting worth writing down, I`ve likely already taken my pen apart and lost the spring.
is deep in thought . . . if only i could remember what i was thinking about
My pet unicorn told me that I was being delusional again. :/
Lord, help me be the person my psychiatrist medicates me to be.
Spiderman`s Spidey sense is just really spot on anxiety.
Condoms prevent minivans.
My girlfriend is gorgeous, selfless, graceful, highly intelligent and looking over my shoulder as I type.
Always look your best, cause you never know when your family is going to surprise you with an intervention.
Masturbating in front of your partner in the hope that she’ll join does not always work. And people on the bus stare at you.