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eBay sellers - just because you`ve dug your suit/dress out of the back of your wardrobe doesn`t make it vintage. #JustOldAndSmelly
Looks like I won`t be updating my status today...
Pretending to tolerate other people is exhausting.
It`s funny how when you post a status and some people think it`s about them..Hahahaha it was.
My friend is a magician, she can turn anything into an argument.
I´m pretty sure I had a good time last night. Let me finish reading the police report and I´ll let you know.
It may look like I`m doing nothing, but I`m actively waiting for my problems to go away.
You offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
I drink because people talk.
The best thing about humans is that many of the richest and most prosperous among us collect bottles of rotten grape juice.
I was an atheist, until I realized I was a sex god.
I like confusing kids by telling them I`m older than the internet
There`s a warning light on my dashboard of a vague exclamation point. It`s like when my girlfriend was mad at me and she wouldn`t say why.
An important phone call is something that occurs when there`s no better excuse to ignore someone.
Chuck E Cheese: Because it`s never too early to introduce your children to gambling and bad nutrition.