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I like to imagine that braille on random public signs often says: “How did you know this was here?”
As a child, you dream of adventure, travel & success. As an adult, a lot of the time, you just hope the toilet flushes.
Sorry I called the police when I saw you running, I didn`t know you did that for fun.
Guys, want to find out all of your flaws in under a minute? Just ask your girlfriend if she`s gained weight.
There are dozens of different flavors of ramen noodles, but they all taste like poverty and loneliness.
After committing a crime, always carry a fire extinguisher. No one gets stopped while running with a fire extinguisher.
Social experiments where skinny people wear fat suits teach us to be nicer to fat people because it might be a skinny person in a fat suit.
However lonely you feel, you`re never alone. [There are literally millions of bugs, mites and bacteria living in your house.] Goodnight.
Perfect has 7 letters and so does meeeeee ....Coincidence? I think not.
Never mistake my silence for weakness. No one plans a murder out loud.
It`s really crazy that you don`t hear a round of applause every time you order a salad.
Take my advice, I’m not going to use it.
According to Pinterest, I`m severely under-utilizing mason jars.
If I’ve offended you with my posts, I humbly apologize. I honestly didn’t think you could read.
Don`t let anyone tell you what you can`t accomplish. That`s what self-doubt is for.