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If my statuses had a smell.. they would smell funny
I support recycling, I wore this shirt yesterday.
If by sexy you mean me licking the donut icing off my fingers then yes I can be damn sexy.
I was disappointed to learn that the Discovery Channel’s program “Deadliest Catch” wasn’t about first marriages.
TV needs to stop putting up those stupid “viewer discretion” warnings. My mom is sick of me calling her for clearance.
Why are kids obese? Maybe because Burgers are $.99, & Salads are $4.99.
Dracula had impeccable hair for a guy who couldn’t see himself in a mirror.
Sometimes my kid likes me, but I`m pretty sure it`s only because I`m his Oreo dealer.
How many HA’s equal a LOL? How about a LMAO? Is there a conversion chart somewhere?
Monopoly: Destroying friendships since 1904
Who needs Halloween decorations when I can just put up my selfies?
I think I really have an amazing butt, every time I talk to someone and start walking off they say,"what an a$$.."
Everyone is beautiful in their own way, your way just happens to be in the dark.
It is impossible to look cool while holding onto a leash attached to a dog who is taking a crap.
"I can`t wait for New Years to be over!" -my liver