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What do you call a guy who makes "Woman in the Kitchen" jokes? Single.
I`m ashamed of what I did for a Klondike bar.
Bought some cheese at one of those fancy cheese shops today. It was legend dairy...
I just realized there are more toes in the world than people
It was hard getting over my addiction to the Hokey Pokey, but I’ve turned myself around.
Bipolar smile :(: ...... Gets um everytime !
There are a lot of side effects to smoking weed. Like never shutting up about the fact that you smoke weed.
Every girl is beautiful, sometimes it just takes the right amount of alcohol to see it....
If my calculations are correct, I can retire about 5 years after I die.
You know what I hate? People who answer their own questions.
Q: What is the best thing God ever created? A: The vagina. Q: What was the worst thing God ever did? A: Put women in charge of them.
My Kid: Can we go to a haunted house this year? Me: What`s wrong with the one we live in? My Kid: WHAT?! Me: Goodnight, son.
OK. So I took the road less traveled. Now where the hell am I?
I prefer to think outside the box because things can get very dark inside it.
Sometimes I wonder if the kid in the Dreamworks logo has caught a fish yet.