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Life was much simpler when we could play a friendly game of Red Rover and just clothesline the people we didn’t like.
Men are like dogs. We’re excited to see you and have no clue what you’re mad about.
Are you tired of every day being the same? Congratulations, you’re an adult!
The WWF advert asks, “When the ice goes, where do the polar bears go?” ... Well, swimming, I suppose.
I wish these people who sing songs on the radio would learn the words to the song, they keep messing me up!!
I swear I saw a guy earlier today that had no chin and all I could think about was, how does he put on pillow cases?
Taught a man how to buy fish ... So much easier.
Saying "think outside the box" is a pretty inside the box suggestion.
Spent 40 minutes on the treadmill this morning. Next time I might turn it on.
I`ll CUT you...!!!!!!!!...... A slice of pizza, cause I`m a sharer:)
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
First you told me to be myself now you`re telling to me not be an idiot. Make up your mind woman!
Cop: Sir what is in the bottle next to you? Man: It`s water *hands the cop the bottle* Cop: Sir, this is wine. Man: Jesus did it again!
Sometimes I listen to strangers conversations and mentally give my opinion
I usually spend my Mondays texting apologies but I`ve had an alcohol free weekend now I have nothing to do.