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3 shots of vodka can erase 8 hours of rage in 15 minutes. That’s all the math you really need to know.
I noticed the toilet roll incorrectly installed in your selfie.
So far I’ve spent most of 2016 flipping off the weather channel.
I wish the media and politicians would stop jumping to delusions.
If I had a nickel for every time someone called me OCD I`d have 27 dollars and 15 cents.
thinks that decaffeinated coffee is just useless brown water.
Give a man a gun and he can rob a bank, give a man a bank and he can rob the world.
“Check that sh!t out” luckily rarely refers to actual sh!t.
I hate how my friends are always trying to convince me to do extreme activities. Like bungee jumping, skydiving or leaving the house.
It was so cold that when we milk the cows we got ice cream.
Is it wrong to use cheat codes for Wii Fit.
Any woman can make you a Millionaire.. You only have to be a Billionaire first.
The girl next door looks over at me, then her phone, then makes a disgusted look on her face. I think she`s just found my Facebook account
Life should be more like Hockey. If somebody pisses you off, you beat the sh!t out of them, then sit in a penalty box for 5 minutes
You bring a baby monitor to the bar one time and everyone freaks out.