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It only takes a few seconds to show someone how you feel about them......the police call it indecent exposure but whatever.
A recent survey revealed that 4 out of 5 women think I`m an a-hole...
Nothing is as scary as logging into Facebook and seeing someone you were secretly with last night has uploaded a new album.
I have been left unsupervised yet again. This usually leads to trouble & other bad things, please have bail money ready and keep your phone on.
My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. It’s called Lunch.
From now on when someone asks you where you`re from look them dead in the eye and say: Planet Venus.
Gimmie a P. Gimmie an R. Gimmie an O. Gimmie a C. Gimmie an R. Gimmie an A. Gimmie an S. Gimmie a....oh, nevermind. I`ll finish this later.
I always look for the best looking cashier at the supermarket and always end up at the self checkout lane
I love you in a bipolar way because I hate you.
Dont freeze your Common sense in the process of being COOL.
May you have a prosperous New Year. I may need to borrow money.
Millions of innocent coconuts are murdered each year so you can drink their nutritious blood you insensitive health freak
If you don`t do stupid sh!t while you`re young, you`ll have nothing to talk about later in life while sitting at the bar.
My favorite beer is the 15th one.
Getting told I can`t do something gives me all the motivation I need to get things done.