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Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, you’re probably really hot.
Boobs are to men what laser pointers are to cats
You know when you put a stick in water and it looks bent ? That’s why I never take baths...
No Girlfriend November was a success, now for Don`t Date December, Just Me January, Forever Alone February, No Match March..... I got this.
The most important part of being on a gluten free diet is telling everyone about it.
What if 11:11 actually works but there`s one person in this world that`s wishing for everyone`s wishes to not come true?
Peanut butter sandwiches taste better when cut in half diagonally...........Listen,, I don`t make the rules people.
My grandparents still use encyclopedias to google stuff.
I was planning on doing something today, but I haven`t finished doing nothing from yesterday.
This status has been censored by Facebook
If you`re feeling too good about yourself, go ask a 5 yr old to guess your age. That should even things out.
Hey baby, wanna come to myspace and twitter my yahoo `till i google all over your facebook?
It`s funny how as you get older you relate more to the villains in Disney than the Princesses.
Every time I almost think humanity will be okay, I see someone struggle with the self-checkout for 20 minutes.
Isn`t it weird that a vacuum cleaner isn`t something that is used to clean vacuums?