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How does it change many dyslexics to take a lightbulb?
My kid’s teacher told me my kid is obsessed with video games and that I need to work with her on it. I’m like I do. I’m player 2.
If you don`t put your leftovers in Tupperware for like at least two weeks before throwing it in the trash... you`re doing it wrong.
OMG! I went shopping because I needed a skirt and these earings were on special so I bought four new pairs of shoes!
50 notifications later I regret ever commenting on your status.
Do people who exercise not know about ice cream and Netflix?
Mustaches: 1. Like them or not? 2. Should you refuse to go out on a date with someone just because she has one?
You know what`s beautiful? Read the first word again.
"There is a policeman in here and he will ARREST YOU." Things I say to my kids when we`re in public.
I need to start eating more healthy, but first I need to eat all the junk food in the house so it’s not there to tempt me anymore.
I painted a banner for our annual family picnic, but my Mom thought "Celebrating 100 Years of Undiagnosed Mental Illness" was inappropriate.
There`s a time and a place for non-alcoholic beer. Never, and down the drain.
I’m not lazy, I just really enjoy doing nothing.
Moses had the first tablet with cloud connectivity.
Some of you are like family to me. I don’t want you calling me either.