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You know you are getting old when you see girls from TEEN category moved to MATURE & MILFS.
Just deserts: When a cashier hands you dollar bills back as change. Hold them up to the light like they do when you pay them.
The block button is just the adult version of sticking your fingers in your ears and repeating "I can`t hear you" over and over
I just found out people are playing golf online. And I thought my life sucked!
The condoms need to be located in the baby aisle, next to the 30 dollar diapers and 20 dollar formula cans
These kids next door to me need to quit yelling. I`m about to wake up their mom and send her back over there.
m for Monday t for Tuesday wtf Wednesday Thursday Friday get it wtf
when I`m quiet, strangers look at me and think I`m shy. People who know me think: OMG! he`s thinking! EVERYBODY RUN!
I was asked what I would give the woman who has everything? Well...my phone number for a start
I`m so good, I scream my own name out during sex.
Everyone is beautiful in their own way, your way just happens to be in the dark.
Just looked at the price of baby strollers. I think were gonna have an indoor baby.
So who wants to tell the person who just threw a new phone book on my porch about the internet?
The nice thing about living in the southern states is that "He needed killing" is a valid legal defense here.
Drank way too much beer last night. Didn`t leave any for this morning.