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At any given time, my wallet is worth more than it’s contents.
When you upload photos to Fb, i`d appreciate it if you tagged your hot friends ... It makes stalking them MUCH easier, thank you!
I hate that feeling when you feel you wrote something good on facebook and then nobody likes your status. Depressing... :(
When I was your age, we drank water straight out of the sink.
I cleaned my room and still smells like smoke, stale beer and sweat. This is the last time I use "Mr. Sheen" cleaner.
You think you`re pretty smart until you have to figure out how to turn on someone elses shower.
I need to learn the rules to make sure I don`t accidently follow them
I always try to learn from the mistakes of other people..... who have taken my advice
The only thing Facebook has ever done for me is make me realize a lot of my friends are idiots.
It`s been an exhausting day of pretending I`m a pleasant person.
I used to like my neighbors until they changed the password to their wi-fi :)
Golf is finally starting to pay off. I just signed a contract with Nike for a large sum of money in return for agreeing never to be seen playing with any of their equipment.
Hi I was calling about the $300/hour part time job I read about in a sexy ad I saw on an illegal torrent site. Are you guys still hiring?
I party like a rockstar. A very poor rockstar who isn`t in a band.
All I need right now is a hug ... And five hundred thousand dollars in cash.