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I have a great relationship with Alcohol..
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is that you`re a terrible person and had it coming.
I know you people are crazy. I can spot my own kind a mile away.
Swag is for boys. Class is for men.
I feel like I`m not getting the full experience of a gas station bathroom if I don`t cut and dye my hair and change my identity.
I hate it when I mentally undress a woman and my OCD kicks in and I start folding her clothes.
I`m not a control freak. I just know what`s best...for everyone.
My therapist said that I needed to find healthier ways of expressing my anger. So I decided to jog home after setting fire to my ex`s car.
The fact that Burger King can sell you 10 chicken nuggets for $1.49 should concern you more than it should entice you.
I have never faked a sarcasm in my entire life!
I found a dollar in my bed this morning... Following my excitement was a flash of panic as I checked all my teeth
The truth might set you free, but lying might keep you out of jail.
It only takes one person to ruin it for everyone...Be that person.
I don’t drink to forget about problems. I drink to create new problems that that make the old issues irrelevant.
It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at him.