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A jealous woman does better research than the FBI
The problem with frozen yogurt is that it`s not ice cream.
Turns out that my get rich painfully slow scheme isn`t working out either.
If my father taught me one thing, it was probably how to take both hands off the wheel to sarcastically applaud people in traffic.
A lie is just a great story that someone ruined by telling the truth.
Panick, chaos, anarchy... my work here is done.
I totally understand how batteries feel because I`m never included in things either
Some people think I say inappropriate things...I perfer to think of it as being f*cking honest.
I scratch my a$$ way to much to chew my fingernails...
Only awesome people are allowed to ‘LIKE’ this status!
Why do people say ``I saw it with my own eyes." Do they sometimes use other peoples eyes?
So far the "couch" part of couch-to-5k is easily my favorite.
There are only two types of honest people in this world.....small children and drunk people.
I`m saving all my good posts for when I can think of some.
A fear of mine is a proctologist with poor depth perception!