Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don`t know how the law of averages works, but you`d think after 25yrs of marriage I`d be right at least once
Somewhere, a smart Lasik surgeon has an office full of brochures that are all slightly out of focus and a recovery room where they have clear print.
Wives are just security guards hellbent on denying you access to your happiness, and porn collection.
Still hoping that one day I get to ride a kayak while it`s strapped to the top of someone`s car.
Irons are like 1000 degrees, who`s bright idea was it to make an ironing board the flimsiest contraption ever made?
The only difference between a weekday and a weekend is which boss is telling me to do things.
One time at the beach this guy was swimming in the ocean yelling, "help! shark! help! " I just laughed, I knew that shark was not going to help him.
A colon is used to indicate a list of elements to the sentence preceding it. A semicolon is for making winky faces.
Jesus said to love your neighbour like you love yourself. Thats a nice saying but if Martin from next door thinks he`s getting a handjob he can f*ck off!
What`s cardio, and can I eat it?
Humpty Dumpty was pushed I tell ya. PUSHED!!!!!!
Why are you walking away when we`re in the middle of discussing our wedding plans? Come back! ... At least give me your number!
I got kicked out of a Yoga class today. Apparently, your not supposed to do the `Downward Dog` on top of another person.
I`ll go to extreme lengths to get the last bit of toothpaste from the tube but I`ll also watch 2 hrs of Nick Jr if I can`t reach the remote.
I bet guys that work at strip clubs are "hard" workers...